~January~

Look at me, two days in a row! I am doing pretty good so far!

I hope that no one read my last post and thought that I was wanting some attention or anything. I just really needed to get a few things off of my chest. And just so that you know, I am trying to work on a couple of different options so that I can get off of my medication. Hopefully I won't be on it long. But I will be on it as long as I need it. :( With that said let me move on to another thing that happened in January.

The day after I started on my meds I usually go to the school to help with Kaiden's classes AR program. And then I pick Keira up since she gets out the same time I get done with AR. Anyway, I was not able to go to AR because I couldn't find a babysitter for Kelsey so I decided to go to the grocery store and then pick Keira up like normal. Bla, bla, bla, bla, bla.....That is all beside the point. So anyway I was sitting in the parking lot waiting for the time when I would go in an get her and my cell phone rang. It was the school. Hmmm, that's weird I thought. It was the school councilor. He said that he had Keira with him and was wondering if I would come in a little early and visit with him. Ok, that's really weird I thought. Sure, I will be right in.

Come to find out, Keira's teacher (who is a new substitute until her real teacher comes back from maternity leave) has been having a lot of problems with her the last couple of days. She had been being very mean to the other kids in her class, making them cry, saying mean things and just being very disrespectful and rude. She had also said a couple of other very in appropriate things, knowing that it would get a reaction, to some of the kids who were brave enough to come right out and tell her that she was being mean.

I could not believe it! We had NEVER had any problems like this before. At all! In fact when I went into Parent Teacher Conferences with her teacher I specifically asked how Keira was doing socially. She said that she had never had any problems with her and that she was doing great and had a lot of friends.
Honestly I didn't know what to say. Other than "Really?" I looked at Keira and she had her head down and when she finally looked at me she just shrugged her shoulders.
After visiting with the councilor and then with Keira's teacher I went home and talked with Keira. I was able to find out that the reason that she was being that way was because she was missing her Teacher.

Keira hates change. Always has. I am not sure why, but she really does. If I change my hair color she will tell me that it looks cute but then she will say that she wished I would have left it the way it was. If I move her bedroom around she will be excited about getting it done but then comment on how she wants it back the way it was. When she was 2-3 and I would tell her it was time to put her shoes on so that we could go somewhere. She would completely breakdown. Crying, nervous, anxious, etc. And we finally figured out that she just hated change. I am not sure if it is just a Keira thing or and adoption thing but when we finally figured it out we were able to work through it.

I had been talking to Keira about her teacher having a baby for the whole school year. She knew she would have a new teacher for a while. The new teacher had come in and visited with the class and helped out for a while before she began teaching. I really thought Keira would be ok with it.

After being able to talk with her about what was going on and found out that that is what was wrong. We were able to figure some things out. I sat on my bed with her in my arms and we cried and we talked about the things that she missed about her teacher and then the things she liked about her new teacher. It was such a bonding experience. It felt good to feel like I was a good mom. And that for once maybe I was doing something right. I asked her what she thought she needed to do now and she said. "I need to go and say sorry".

Keira is such a good girl. She always tries to make everyone happy and wants to do what is right. She continually craves attention and I feel like a lot of that is my fault. Like those first two years of her life I was not able to fill that need for her and now she will spend the rest of her life trying to get it. I am not really sure how to change that. But I think as long as we can channel the attention to the positive things instead of negative I think it will be ok.

*Sigh* what an emotional day!