Is your family worth the Effort?

*WARNING!! EXTREMELY LONG POST AHEAD, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!*

I have been thinking about this post for quite a while. Trying to decide how to approach it and worrying about offending someone. I have finally come to the realization that , I need to worry less about what others are thinking and more about what I am feeling. So with that as my introduction , if I offend you in anyway I apologize but please know that you are welcome to your opinions and I have mine and we can just be content with that.

About a month or more ago, (yes, that is how long I have been contemplating this post) Eric and I attended a stake young parents night. They had it set up with different classes that you could choose to attend. The classes ranged from “How to balance your priorities” to “Taking care of your finances”. It was an amazing night and I learned so much. I will talk more about that in just a minute. While I was there I got thinking about my family. Not me, my husband and my kiddos but my parents and sister, grandparents, aunts and uncles and all of those people that have helped me to become who I am today.

I was raised by wonderful parents who taught me to be happy, honest, trustworthy, thoughtful and much much more. I was not the easiest of children and was pretty defiant some times (ok maybe more that some but who’s counting right?). My (little) sister on the other hand seemed to me to be perfect. She always did things the “right way”. It used to irritate me so bad. She was, and still is, the type of person that learned from everyone else’s mistakes. Me on the other hand had to try things out for myself. (you know, see if they really knew what they were talking about). Looking back now there are a TON of things that I wish that I would have done differently and a lot of things that I would not change at all.

I have amazing grandparents who have always been a great example to me. They were the ones that I always worried about upsetting. I used to think to myself, “What would my grandpa think about this?” and usually that would help me decide if it was what I should be doing or not. I was always concerned about my grandparents and didn’t want to disappoint them. It was the same with my parents, aunts, uncles and my sister to be honest (but there was no way that I would have let her know that). I learned a lot from them and really wanted them to be happy with me. It would have just killed me to know that I had upset anyone of them.

As I was sitting in one of the “classes” I was thinking about these kind of things and looking back now I know that they would have loved me NO MATTER WHAT. They may have been disappointed about some of my choices (and probably were) and wanted me to do better, but in the end they would have loved me.

And so it is with my little family.

While sitting at stake night we were asked the question.

IS YOUR FAMILY WORTH THE EFFORT??

Of course I thought to myself. Who would say that their family is not worth the effort?? Then the question was asked. Ok then.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR YOUR ETERNAL FAMILY??

Well now that brings up a whole other topic, right?? Nope. They are the same.

I believe that the answer begins long before we are married. And really before we are even dating. We need to decide what type of person we are going to be, what kind of life that we want to live and what type of person we want to marry, what type of things do we need to change now or give up now to be that type of person. The sole purpose for this life is to prove our worthiness and to return to our Father in Heaven. We need to decide what our priorities are and get those figured out first. And by surrounding ourselves with those who will lift us and guide us is one of the things that is going to help us achieve that goal. My family is amazing. I love everyone of them. There is not one of them that has not helped me to better myself and work toward my goal.

Marriage + Family = The reason we are here.

Who we chose to spend the rest of our lives with and to be the Father or Mother of our children should be our #1 priority when we are dating. (I got lucky on this one). Being a member of the church we are blessed with the fullness of the gospel. We know that we will be with our families forever and are excited about it.

I was able to learn a lot from watching my parent and other family member. I was able to see the types of things that I really liked about their relationships and have tried to incorporate them into mine. On the same note there are some things that I did not want to add to my relationship and have tried to do that also. You learn and grow together and I believe that it is then that you really being to see who you really are. How you deal with personal trials and how you work together to make things right. Being married is difficult. I wish that I could say that it is easy, but for me it is not. But at the same I absolutely (without a doubt) love my husband, being married to him is wonderful. The blessing FAR out weigh the trials. I always have someone to talk to, I always have a best friend, I love sharing our “special” little (insignificant to anyone else) family moments with the one that I love. We have been blessed beyond measure and I know that it is because we both have the same goals in mind and are striving together to meet those.

The next question that really stuck out to me was this,

HOW DO YOU GUIDE YOUR CHILDREN?

We have the best children ever. (I can say that, I am the mom) They are really great kids and bring us greater happiness than we ever though possible. I love being their mom, I love seeing them learn and grow, I want to be the best parent that I can and teach them through example the way that they should live their lives. There is nothing that I would not give up for my children. I take my responsibilities of being their mother very seriously and would do anything for them. As they grow the pressure is now placed on us to teach them the things that they need to know. For me that is an intimidating thought.

One thing that my mom said to me once that has really made me think was when I was about 16 or 17ish. We were having a disagreement about something and she said. “Brandy, I don’t know! This is the first time I have ever been a mom. I really don’t know what I am doing.” That was the first time that I realized that she was just trying to do her best and learning as she went. This was her first time being a mom, she had never done this before. (I am a really observant person, can you tell?) From that time on my whole demeanor changed. I was more understanding and more conscious about my parents and the things that they were trying to teach me and my sister. That one moment changed my thoughts on parenting.

So how do I guide my children?

I don’t know. But I do know that I want to be open with my children. I want them to understand me as much as I want to understand them. I want to teach them to love and care for each other and to be a good friend. I want them to love the Lord and follow the prophets. I want to be able to answer their questions on life, friends, love, family, he gospel and any other crazy things that they come up with. I want them to feel like our home is “a refuge from the storms” of this world. I want our home to be were they come for comfort, questions, love, peace, family, friends and more. I want them to know that I will love them NO MATTER WHAT!! I want them to make good choices and understand the consequences of bad ones. I was told once that Satan has doubled his efforts and we need to triple ours. And I believe that with all of my heart. There is no room for a lazy parent in this day and age. We need to take this responsibly seriously and put our whole effort into creating a happy marriage and family.

Now how do I do all of that? To used my moms words. "I don’t know! This is the first time I have ever been a mom. I really don’t know what I am doing." But I do know that with the help from my husband and family I can do my best. I know that I will make mistakes but I also know that I will be a good mother. I know that I can turn to my Heavenly Father at any time and he will help me. When I do make mistakes he will still love me and will help me. And hopefully I will learn from them and not do it again. And I know that NO MATTER WHAT I can pray to him and he will be their.

I love my Lord. I love the gospel. I am so grateful for the blessing that I have been given and the life that I have. I am grateful for my husband and for the love and support that he gives to me and to my family for helping me get to where I am today and for the person that I am because of them. I am so grateful for temples and for the blessings we are promised their. I truly know that families can be together forever and I am willing to do all that is in my power to make that happen. There is nothing more important to me than my family and returning to my Heavenly Father.

So I ask you.

Is your family worth the effort?

Mine sure is!!!